"La Femme" Jean Pierre Celine

Description: Jean Pierre Celine, a charismatic Frenchman, sees himself as heir apparent to the King of Snakes legacy.  Many wonder whether or not he was actually sired by Vile Vince Viper.  He's skilled in kicks and chokes, cheating and various forms of other skullduggery.  He's part of the smartest workers in the federation as he's aligned himself with anyone who'll get him ahead.

Appearance: Wavy shoulder length hair. Wears an open black shirt, with a red snakeskin vest, and matching red snakeskin pants.  He wears Yurman jewelry and can always be seen spending his salary on various luxury items. JPC has perfection fashion sense for all occasions and spends more time in front of the mirror than preparing in the gym.

Biography:   French rookie sensation Jean Pierre Celine first made waves in the wrestling world at the end of 2008. Graduating from the infamous H-DOJO wrestling academy at the top of his class, and winning a number of young lion tournaments, it's no surprise Celine's introduction to mainstream audiences came at the end of a fierce bidding war. Having struck up a close friendship with the IGA president, John Paul Valley, during an American learning excursion it was no surprise when the International Grappling Association paid top dollar for the fantastic frenchman. Right before his entrance to the IGA, Jean Pierre Celine won one last European tournament that would grealy impact his career...

On Nov. 3rd, 2008, Jean Pierre Celine won a 200 man one night tournament to crown the next recipiant of the legendary Vile "Vince" Viper gimmick. Fighting fellow H-DOJO classmates DEATHKNELL, Human Guinea Pig, Frank Wilkes, and The Ghost of Garrett Jax, before defeating English journeyman Edgar Caspian in the finals to seal his fate. It was later discovered that the original Vile "Vince" Viper had absolutely nothing to do with the tournament, doesn't consider it official, or Celine to be cannon... but coming to America, Celine billed himself as VVV 2. Having looked up to Viper as a child, Celine had no intention of dropping the ludicrous gimmick.

At the end of 2008, Jean Pierre Celine burst onto the scene of the International Grappling Association. A man who had won numerous rookie of the year awards in '07 and '08, was immediately reduced to an unpleasant comedy act. Two things hurt him right off the back. Vile "Vince" Viper is one of the most beloved characters in the history of the IGA. When Celine entered IGA he was promoted as Vile "Vince" Viper, not VVV 2... the fans expected their hero, and didn't take kindly to the young punk who came in PRETENDING to be the king of snakes. Getting a lukewarm response from the crowd, Celine depended on management for support. President Jean Paul Valley, who had championed Celine's sign, also had a past with Vile "Vince" Viper... and despised the original. Seeing his protege as paying tribute to his archnemesis, Jean Paul Valley decided to do EVERYTHING in his power to hinder the young man's career.

No matter how many horrible things Jean Paul Valley pulled on Celine, the irritatingly friendly Frenchman couldn't take a hint. Locked into a three-year-contract, how was Valley going to rid himself of the young man. Now dormant, the IGA Fight Club division, was a 24/7 hardcore championship that usually saw defenses at airports, race tracks, bars... but rarely in the arena. Reasoning that holding the title, Celine would never be at a television taping to bother him, Valley activated the championship again, trying to hand it to Celine. Not wanting anything "given" to him, Celine insisted that he fight someone for the vacant title. Caught off guard, the comedy act proceeded to lose the vacant title to a puppet of former world champion Anthony Alred. Blinded with rage, Jean Paul Valley started berating Celine, accidentally winning the title in the process. Celine then proceeded to defeat Jean Paul Valley to start his first fight club championship reign. In the subsequent weeks, Celine would use the 24/7 rules to successfully defend the belt against non-challengers, pinning other champions when they were unconscious to gain more prestige for the belt. The fans hated him. During this time Celine surrounded himself with an entourage of former IGA wrestlers Chazz Sterling, Living Theatre, and Astoroth, to relate more with the audience. Still unable to break above the opener, was Celine doomed to medocrity?

The word was out at the 2008 IGA PPV, the REAL Vile "Vince" Viper was making his return to the company. The writing was on the wall. Why do you need a second rate comedy version, when the original is back. At the PPV, Celine was scheduled to take on VXW champion, and fellow IGA throwaway, "Wild" Bill Ian in a write-off opener for the fight club title. It might have been violent, Celine might have lost some teeth, but it was going to be forgettable. The audience didn't care... why should they? Celine and Bill started the show in the middle of a blizzard on the top of the steel tower. Rather than wrap up in the ten minutes they were given, Celine and Ian decided to take some liberties. For the full 3 hour pay per view, Ian and Celine decided to brawl across the city of Pittsburgh. From the rachel carson bridge to the national avery to the Andy Warhol museum... they painted the town red, the insane brawl ending in the arena... where they proceeded to injure a dozen wrestlers before their crazed fight was finally ruled a no contest. The screwed finish aside, Wild Bill Ian and Jean Pierre Celine stole the show... finally coming into their own.

With the world title vacant, fans looked to one title for all their championship defenses. For the next three months the eyes of the IGA were on the Fight Club division. Still doing his comedy shtick, Jean Pierre Celine would lose the title to anyone he wrestled only to immediately win it back... he'd lose to anyone but Bill Ian. The angered VXW champion would try time and time again to beat Celine within an inch of his life, only to have victory stolen from him. During the course of their blood feud, the two men signed up for a chain match, shackled too one another... a match which Bill finally won, only to find the key to the chains had been broken. Handcuffed to one another, Celine and Bill would wrestle others in bizarre handicap matches where they'd attempt to hurt each other's chances at victory. Saddled with the fight club title, whenever they'd try to have the chains removed, they'd be assaulted by fans or wrestlers looking to win the 24/7 title. Tied to one another the two became known as the "Defiant Ones" and were not only responsible for the highest rated segments in the IGA, but also the most merchandise sold.

Right after IGA's International Incident '09 PPV, Celine and Ian got into a backstage confrontation with the original Vile "Vince" Viper over merchandise revenue. All three men missed the next IGA show, causing ratings to tank. The show was so poorly recieved that the federation closed. The long teased "Emergency Room Deathmatch" didn't pay off the Defiant One's long running feud, and as far as anyone knows the two were still chained together.

Shootfire Pro Wrestling has an exclusivity contract, and as Vile "Vince" Viper is in a dozen federations, he can't go there. The one place that the original Viper can't murder Celine for stealing his gimmick. Celine's old H-DOJO classmate DEATHKNELL made a splash in Shootfire Pro at the beginning of the year, and when SPW officials saw some of their European classics, they were quick to sign Jean Perre Celine to a contract. However, those technical classics aren't well known to audiences, who expect his buffoonish IGA comedy antics. Arriving in Shootfire, Celine was put in the position of goofy sidekick to his friend, DEATHKNELL. Built up as an unstoppable monster, if anyone was going to take the fall in tag matches, it wasn't going to be DEATHKNELL. From their one night tag tournament, to their PPV feud with Wild & Starring... Celine lost any credibility he had coming in... and it looked like he was on the verge of being jobbed out...

Entrance:

Peter Cook: We’ve found OUR Gigi!!!

[That classic SNL sound byte is immediately followed by Maurice Chevalier’s rendition of “Thank Heaven for Little Girls,” from the musical, Gigi. Rose petals fall from the ceiling. White spotlights search through the crowd. Flash photography goes off throughout the arena, as pathetic horny losers (you) attempt to get a snapshot of another SPW femme fatale (me). Treating female wrestlers like objects, you can never remember any of the chick’s entrance themes, who’s was this again? They might be shit wrestlers, but they’re easy on the eyes. You get all hot and bothered just thinking about the next vision of loveliness headed your way.]

"Thank heaven for little girls
For little girls get bigger every day!"

[Footage over the SPWtron shows images of Pepe Le Pew trying to rape a cat. Was the cat ever given a name? So sexist! The old Warner Brothers cartoons are inter-spliced with images of women getting hit by men. Just hateful shit. The montage starts to take its toll on the flash photographers, who get beaten down by the truly VILE introduction. The lights start to dim a little, as the spot lights move towards the entrance...]

"Thank heaven for little girls
They grow up in the most delightful way!"

[Hitting a screen, the spotlights outline the voluptuous shadow of the woman behind it. She runs her hands over her Vegas showgirl curves. This is the single hottest thing you’ve ever seen and...]

S-M-A-S-H~!!!!!!

...Jean Pierre Celine. Mother fucker! The fake second generation of Vile “Vince” Viper bursts through the paper screen, destroying the fantasies of every man in the building. GOD DAMN IT! You ejaculate. You will NEVER be able to make love to a woman again. Didn’t this happen the last time Celine wrestled? When will you learn! Still, you don’t think anyone noticed... you having an orgasm when Celine walked out. No one will ever know... except you. While you commit suicide, the future SPW woman’s champion continues his entrance.]

"Those little eyes so helpless and appealing
One day will flash and send you crashin' thru the ceilin'"

[The Fabulous Frenchman has curled his bleach blond locks. A rose clenched in his teeth, Jean Pierre Celine waves an arm to his legion of admirers, turning his wolf eyes towards the ring. Celine is decked out his usual ruby red pants, a matching snakeskin vest over a frilly white shirt. It’s not a blouse. Skipping down the aisle, through the rose petals, VVV2 saunters back and forth, almost teasing the legions of men and feminists that clamor around the guardrails, jeering and throwing trash.]

"Thank heaven for little girls
Thank heaven for them all,"

[Jean Pierre does the rounds, making sure to high five all the young girls that look up to him as a role model. Yes, you too can join the SPW women’s division. According to Marissa Monet, they’ll take anyone. The former defiant one goes from child to child, validating their existence... even the fat and ugly ones.]

"No matter where no matter who
For without them, what would little boys do?"

[Climbing the ring steps, Celine does a quick turn, working those hips... before pulling the rose out of his mouth. Celine tosses it into the crowd, a great collector’s item for a lucky fan. The rose is tossed back, but Celine ignores this fact. Bowing as MASSIVE PYRO shoots out of the ring post, turning the falling petals into burning embers. Celine winks at the camera, before turning to the ring, and flashing his WINNING SMILE!]

"Thank heaven... thank heaven...
Thank heaven for little girls!"

[More people have uncontrollably orgasms at the sight of the WINNING SMILE!]